Protected: 2022
Private
I just wanted to explain why I’ve put my posts on private.
When you do these blogs you get notifications of who has viewed, who has subscribed etc. Vast majority I didn’t mind however there was a couple I didn’t want knowing my personal business…we can’t be liked by everyone and we can’t like everyone. So these people weren’t reading with our best interests but to have a gloat and a gossip. I regularly have a social media clear out too. There was people viewing stories who we never chat or see, people who you see in the street but who walk past, people feeding back to others. I’m not negative very often but I’m only human and some things do annoy me. I’m not someone who wants likes, followers and views, this is real life.
Initially this blog was started to help others going through it. Then I decided it was for Phil and my babies. I use this for longer diary entries and Instagram for day to day. Again, with social media, only the bits I want to post are put out there. Lots of stuff that goes on behind the scenes, some good, some not so good. I love sharing photos aimed at the kids when they’re older. I haven’t posted much of treatment/chemo at all…it’s the hardest part of all the treatment by far and I’ve felt crap, had bad side effects etc but who wants to listen to someone else moan and say how bad it is. Not many.
I’m not the most forthcoming at discussing things in person. People can mean well but also brings up emotions at the wrong time. We attended a party and we got spoken to with the pitiful voices, we get told how so and so has kept me updated when so and so doesn’t even know anything personally from us, and we get told about xxx who is riddled with it, xxx who died or is dying. We get asked “is it ok, has it shrunk it” by people at the most random times! As if we are going to stand in Mozzas and tell someone we barely know the reality. All very hard to listen to because I certainly soak up other peoples sadness and it just adds to it all.
On the other hand, I still love my life. I have got the loves of my life beside me everyday. I have got so many consistent friends who day in day out, week in week out keep in touch, visit and take me out. I am surrounded by love and feel so much love.
I don’t know about you but all I ever dreamed of was having a loving partner and children. How can I be anything other than happy. I’ll do my best to stay with them and keep creating memories. I’ve seen so many people with bucket lists of jewellery, cars, material things and that’s all lovely but I just want experiences with my 3. I wrote one recently and I’ll make sure every one of them happens. There are life lessons in some of them. I don’t want my kids to become entitled, expecting things from the bank of mum and dad and never being grateful but this list will be achieved through your mama trying her best to make it happen.
• See through tent sleepover Mummy Daddy Es and Jacob. Watch a movie in the garden. Have s’mores. And look at the stars together. 🥰
• Take Es & J to Smyth’s – anything they can grab and hold is theirs 🫣. May regret this…perhaps birthday can grant this one, and we can sack off a party.
• Swearing competition- say your worst words, laugh but so long as you promise not to do it anywhere else 🤪 Esme has actually just walked in and told me a girl was being a right bitch 🤣. She asked permission before she said it so I guess that’s ok.
• Handprint of us 4 (so we can all have one each) and pottery painting 🎨. Might try get this done this week seen as it’s half term.
• Family portrait and video doing normal stuff and some of these things on our bucket list. 🎥
• Family karaoke. Because the simplest things make us happy…and you can always watch back and remember this when the days are dark 📺 🎤 (to be fair we do this often along with dancing in the front room; I just need to capture it for them to look back)
• Make ice cream together …the type you roll up on the metal things and so into curls – because we all love Ice Cream 🍦should have done this in summer when we went to London but I felt horrendous.
• Go to Man Utd with a decent view ⚽️
• Lemonade stand to raise money for our adventures. You have to work to be able to do nice things! And when life gives you lemons, suck the slices, pull a face and spit it out 🍋 👅
• Have a magician come round and show us tricks or go to a magic show 🪄
• Do a random act of kindness – think of your own. 🥰 we already do this and we love it.
• Make a collage of all your hopes and dreams – you can do anything you want! Reach for your dreams. ✨
• Scratch some scratch cards – sometimes we need a bit of luck! 💴
• Do a time capsules – letters to future selves. Put a date on to open – we all have to agree! ✍️
• Photos and music night – just like we’ve always done. 💃
• Put our wellies and coats on when it’s raining and splash splash splash. When it rains, it pours, but we can still smile through it. ☔️
And finally, get back to Ikos Olivia. Not sure this one will happen but I’ll do my best to get us there.
There’s nothing I want to do on my own…it’s always with Phil, Es and J. Some people will think that’s sad, but that’s where I feel most comfortable and happy.
We can’t control other people or situations, all we can do is control how we respond and how we personally deal with stuff. Another life lesson by not so wise Anna Binks age 43 🤣
Posts will now go back private…peace out ✌🏼
Brain Tumour Uk 